I’m lying in bed right now, with a splitting headache and fever, iPod in hand; And all I can think of is how badly I want to go back home!
I miss being home with family, it’s not really as much fun here without them around, despite what I might otherwise say! It also doesn’t help that over the last couple of days my mom has been slowly but steadily trying to make “marriage” the focal point of all our conversations…which irritates me & so I snap at her and then she does the u don’t listen to me anymore routine, after which I generally end up feeling like a piece of shit, when it was no ones fault in the first place! It would’ve been so much easier if I didn’t have to do it on the phone!
I have also realized that over the course of my life,though I’ve had many friends, at this point in time i can’t really look back and say that he/she is my best friend and he/she will always be there for me! Come to think of it, my family has always been my only best friend, due to various causes -
1. I am a single child, so they have brought me up in such a protected environment where external contact was almost very limited during the first few years of my life
2. As I grew older, they had a say in everything I did, they didn’t force me to do the stuff they wanted me to,but I still did it just to make them happy!
3. I was brought up like a daughter by my dad and a son by my mom (despite how weird that may sound)
It’s a complicated relationship, which I’m sure a lot of single children will relate to.
Now, on to other causes which I think might have contributed to the whole situation -
-> My first ever best friend in school was this guy called Ankur, class 2nd. I was too young then to realize that when u move from one city to another, you could still stay in touch, too bad! When I moved from Delhi to study in hyderabad, I cried n cried n cried, but yeah, that’s bout how much I could do anyways
-> Then I’m in Hyd n trying to find Ankur in everyone! Nope, not there! But I find Aditi, Anusha & Deepu. Anusha moved from hyd very soon, great! Also,the interesting dimension of the boys liking the girls n vice versa was kinda starting out, so there were several misunderstandings n Deepu & I just drifted apart!
-> There were other people along the way – Nithya, Appu, Tarun, Sridhar…it’s all blurry now! But by the time I was out of school I was an outsider again coz I had to study so hard and I had to get into an awesome college, so I really didn’t have a social life for 2 years! There was Sofia though…fun thing, we did so many crazy things together!
-> Then college was a big gang, D,N,N,A,H,B…so many,all with their own baggage, I attract just the right people!
After this very long recollection of facts, all I can say is that I have just 3 people to call my own now – T,D,R n D… All but one are men, suggesting that I’m better off dealing with male friends!
Most of the people mentioned in this long post are either married, engaged, secretly married, have the dream job, are doing what they really like or just being plain happy… I’m surprised at how all of this has been so elusive to me *sigh*
